If Love Finds You Worthy
by lemacd
Summary: This is a sequel to "No Safe Place" which had a rather unhappy ending. This is my attempt to do something about that. A business opportunity gives Georg an excuse to go away so his children can have their beloved governess back. AU but hopefully not too OOC. PLEASE READ AND PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! thanks!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This story is a sequel to "No Safe Place" and it would help to read that first if you haven't (it isn't very long). So many of you asked if I could change the not-so-happy ending. This is my attempt to do that. I appreciate the interest in NSP and give special thanks to augiesannie for her help with this first chapter of the sequel.**

**I do not own 'The Sound of Music' or the characters. This is for fun. I think. No, I'm having fun. Really. Please leave a review. I'm not above begging. You've been warned.**

_When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, "I am in the heart of God."_

_And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course._

_From Kahlil Gibran "On Love"_

Chapter One

"We'll have tea," Georg told the waiter, and then turned to Elsa who forced a smile. "Maybe some sandwiches? Cakes? Both?"

"Sounds lovely," she muttered half-heartedly. He could hear the annoyance in her voice but ignored it. When the man took his leave, she looked at Georg and shook her head. "I don't understand why we didn't just meet somewhere for a drink. Augustin Karl doesn't like to do business with a man who won't have a drink with him, darling. He says he isn't sure he can trust a teetotaler."

"After all the rain we've had lately, I just thought it might be nice to enjoy the sunshine," Georg replied evenly. "Besides, the lieutenant is interested in my name and my money. He'll have to accept that I've become a man who saves his wine for dinner and look elsewhere for a drinking partner."

"My point," Elsa continued, the edge in her voice less subtle, "is that it has been three months and you've done your penance." Seeing Georg's brow tighten, she quickly softened and ran her hand up and down his forearm. "Oh, I know… you're a man of honor. Still, don't you think it is time to forget all that?"

George responded with an exasperated sigh, so very tired of having this argument over and over. He wasn't punishing himself. He really could not stand the taste of liquor any more. Even the smell of it made his stomach turn. He supposed she could be right. Why was he still wrestling with the guilt of what he did when Fraulein Maria forgave him?

But does a man of honor become so drunk that he forces himself on a poor girl like he did? Not that he could remember exactly what he did, only that her fingernails and some miracle of God prevented a bigger tragedy. Until that moment, he had been hard pressed to see how a woman as irrepressible as Maria could ever become a nun, but in the end she treated his pitiful apology with more mercy than he knew he deserved. If there was one thing for sure, the incident forced him to see how wrong he was about her. He was wrong about a lot of things.

When Elsa returned from Vienna few days after it happened, he knew he had to tell her so he could ask her to forgive him as well. Even though their relationship was still somewhat undefined, Elsa still stood to be socially embarrassed should the incident somehow become news. At the very least, he thought she would feel betrayed. But when he finished explaining everything, her reaction caught him completely off guard.

_ "You don't have to explain anything to me, Georg. It was a mistake. An innocent mistake."_

_ "You're handling it a lot differently than I expected."_

_ "Oh, really? You expected me to cry and make a scene? You were drunk and didn't know what you were doing. Poor judgment. That is all it was."_

_ "Elsa, do you understand that I nearly…"_

_ "But you didn't. Really, Georg, there's no need to be so dramatic! I dare say that girl over reacted enough for everyone."_

_ "Elsa!"_

_ "What is it you want me say? That I forgive you? What for? These things happen. I honestly do not care." _

Her words still left him speechless. She called him a man of honor and yet it was clear that Elsa had no idea what honor meant to him. In a world that was descending into mind numbing chaos, honor was truth. It still bothered him months later that she was so unfazed by what she considered a mere indiscretion, one that could be absolved with a casual wave of her hand. And it bothered him that she couldn't seem to exercise the slightest sympathy for Maria. In fact, she seemed more annoyed by his concern for the young postulant than by what he did.

It was a preoccupation that he couldn't quite understand either. If it was guilt, he reasoned, it should have disappeared in the kind light of his pardon. It didn't matter. Even if he could be freed from the feelings of guilt, too many regrets remained. Regret that she left before he could at least try to make amends. Regret that the memories of the amazing things that happened in the short time she was with them were tainted, not only for him but for his children. Or maybe… just maybe, his regret was because he heard such contrition in her words before she left.

_"You are not entirely to blame. I put myself in the situation. In fact, I hold myself in the majority for blame, not you… I should have minded my own business. None of this would have happened… What's done is done. I guess the worst part is that everything has to end."_

She not only forgave him, she blamed herself. He told himself that he should feel relief and gratitude that things didn't turn out worse. Why couldn't he convince himself that he just made a stupid horrible mistake, and that nothing he did now could reverse it?

He knew the reason. Seven reasons, actually. Seven sad children who suffered from her sudden departure, who still clung to the memory of her by singing the songs she taught them, only now they were mournful elegies. He couldn't even bring himself to replace Maria after she left. It would have only made things worse. He gave serious thought once or twice to trying to bring Maria back but never acted on it. He had no right.

Georg was pulled back to the present when the waiter returned with their tea and an assortment of cakes and sandwiches. Elsa returned to the subject of Augustin Karl. The lieutenant contacted him in recent weeks about a business opportunity and was supposed to meet him that afternoon to discuss the details. Georg was sure it was a complete waste of time.

"No one knows the Mediterranean like you do, Georg," Elsa argued.

"I don't think it's for me, Elsa," Georg said with disinterest. "They would operate out of Trieste. I would have to be away an inconsiderable amount of time."

"To be honest, I would think that is part of the appeal. Darling, there was a time when you couldn't bear to be in Salzburg for more than a week."

"That was before I made a promise to my children, Elsa. I can't leave again, not like before…" Georg's voice faded as a small commotion caught his eye.

From their table on the sidewalk, he could make out a group of young children marching along the sidewalk, their hands joined to form a long chain of bodies presumably to keep the smallest among them from falling behind. But it wasn't the spectacle of the children that captured his attention, but the figure they followed as they went along. A young nun walked with her back to his view, pointing out the sights to her charges.

He couldn't believe it, that she would appear as if his thoughts could magically conjure her. He often wondered what he would say if they were to meet again. What if she spotted him sitting there? Should he approach her first, or wait for her to…

Just then she turned around. It wasn't her. It wasn't Maria. Georg thought he should feel glad to avoid an awkward run-in, but instead he discovered he was rather disappointed. It would have been nice to see her one time, even from a distance, just to know that she was well. Maybe if he knew she was able to put it behind her, he could as well.

He watched the nun and her contingent continue on their way until they were out of sight. He pictured his own children floating down the streets of Salzburg dressed in the hideous curtain clothes. And Fraulein Maria in charge, taking them over hill and dale having – how did she put it? Having a marvelous time.

"Hello? Georg? Are you listening?"

"Huh? What did you say, dear?" Georg tried to bring his attention back to Elsa, but his voice remained absent and detached. She sighed, then laughed nervously.

"Really, Georg. Talking to you lately has been like talking to the wind." Georg gave her an apologetic look, but didn't say anything. For some reason, the sound of her voice wasn't as soothing as it once seemed when she tried to discuss certain things. Her usual wit seemed to lack timing and propriety. There was a time that he longed to be with her because she could pull him out of his loneliness and make him laugh. He could always relax in her company, but lately it was a chore to converse.

"I'm listening now," he said, giving her another smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

"Do you remember all the fun we had when you came to visit me in Vienna?" There was a hint of desperation in her voice.

"I remember," he agreed. They did have some good times together, it was true. And he was very thankful to her. Still, it felt like a lifetime ago that he was escorting her to the opera and countless parties. More than that, it felt like it was someone else's lifetime.

"Well, I miss it, Georg," Elsa said. "Please don't misunderstand, I'm honored that you brought me to meet the children. But I'm feeling restless here."

"Then you should go back to Vienna," he urged.

"The thing is that it isn't Vienna I miss, it's us."

"I'm afraid I don't understand what you mean," he replied without looking up from his tea. "Has it been so awful?"

"Oh, no, not at all," she laughed softly. "You have a lovely home. And I have enjoyed meeting your friends. But it seems the purpose of my coming here has been lost, and I…" Her voice dropped and Georg was forced to look up at her. As soon as their eyes met, she laughed again. "Oh, why be so serious? Augustin will be here any minute and it would be a better idea to discuss what you're going to tell him."

"I… I don't know if there is anything to say about it, Elsa," he said, trying to be gentle. He knew he was about to disappoint her. He was still fond of her and he did want to make her happy. "I just can't go away." Elsa scoffed, and once again he felt perturbed. "My children, Elsa. I just can't leave…"

"Have you considered boarding school?"

"Simply out of the question."

"You have a house full of servants."

"Yes, well… I'd like to keep it that way."

"Then hire a governess!"

"Ha! Easier said than done. Twelve! My children managed to run off twelve…," He suddenly realized what he was saying. He looked at Elsa and smiled sadly. "I mean, eleven. They did nothing to make the twelfth one leave. She was the one they wanted to stay."

"Couldn't you ask her to come back?"

"What? Elsa, you do realize I mean Fraulein Maria, don't you?" Elsa stared at him blankly.

"Yes."

"The circumstances under which she left… I mean, I couldn't. And she wouldn't." Elsa threw her hands up in surrender then began to silently fiddle with her cigarette holder. "I'm sorry, Elsa. It must seem like I'm nothing but excuses. But it isn't just the children. The navy is the only career I've ever had. I know nothing about business." Georg tapped his fingers on the table as his mind spun at her outrageous suggestion. He couldn't… could he? And she wouldn't… would she? No, he couldn't think of one circumstance in which she would possibly agree to comeback.

Unless…

"Ships, darling! You know ships!" Elsa leaned forward as she became desperate again. "Oh, Georg, we can be together in Italy. I told you how much I've missed the way we were. I just know if we could go away, it will be like that again." For the first time Georg understood that his months of self-pity took a toll on Elsa. He reached across the table and took her hand.

"Elsa, my dear, I'm sorry that I've neglected you," he said softly. "If it will make you happy, I will listen to Lieutenant Karl's proposal and give it serious consideration."

"Thank you, Georg," Elsa sighed in a mixture relief and gratification. "That is all I ask."

They fell into compatible silence as Elsa poured more tea. Georg feigned a bored interest in the people come and going around the square. The truth was that his mind was racing a mile a minute. Why hadn't he thought of it before? Until now, the idea of asking Maria to come back seemed impossible. But if the thing that made her leave was gone… yes, why hadn't he thought of it before? If he left, she could come back.

When Augustin finally arrived, the matter was already settled in Georg's mind. He would join the lieutenant in Italy as soon as he could make arrangements for someone care for his children. By the time they left the café, Georg was in a very good mood.

For the first time in months he believed there was a chance he could do something to restore happiness to his children and set things right with the woman who was the reason for it in the first place. The only thing that tempered his excitement was the uncertainty that he could convince Maria to come back.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Georg shifted uncomfortably in the chair. He was early for his appointment with the Mother Abbess and she had yet to appear. His last communication with her was ages before when he needed help securing a governess, any governess, that might take on his children. This time he was going to be specific in his choice and not knowing how much the woman knew about Maria's cause for sudden departure the first time made him more than a bit nervous.

He had expected to be called to answer for the way he treated the young postulant that had been entrusted to his care, but the call never came. He knew he should have inquired about her well-being after she left to make sure she was truly all right, but he waited too long and lost the nerve. That the Reverend Mother agreed to meet with him initially gave him hope, but the longer he waited there in the small room, the more he wondered if he was going to have to answer for himself after all. Finally the door to the meeting room opened and without fanfare, the abbess entered and closed the door behind her. She was a slight woman and her face was seasoned by many years, but she was clearly a formidable woman.

"Good morning, Captain," she said, her voice light and friendly, not exactly what he expected. "I am very sorry to keep you waiting, I'm sure you are a very busy man."

"It was not a bother to me, Reverend Mother. Thank you for letting me come speak to you personally. I thought it would be better than trying to explain my business by letter."

"Oh? Is there something I can do for you?" Georg relaxed as he saw kindness in the old woman's face, as though handing out favors was a special treat for her.

"Yes, well, it's about Fraulein Maria… oh, maybe it is Sister Maria by now?"

"Maria? I'm afraid Maria has not been able to take her vows yet, though it isn't for lack of effort on her part. What is it you wish to discuss about her?" The Abbess sat back in her chair and gave the Captain a look of serious interest.

"Well, first of all… how is she?"

"Oh, she is fine."

"Is she? She's happy?" The Reverend Mother gave a quiet chuckle.

"I can't imagine a time when that girl isn't happy, Captain. It is one of her many wonderful qualities. It is very kind of you to ask." Georg smiled, relief flooding his chest.

"I'm very glad to hear it," he said as he exhaled a breath he didn't realize he was holding. Reverend Mother waited silently for him to continue, curious that his words were more than just a polite inquiry. It seemed as if he expected the answer to be otherwise.

Then again, the Reverend Mother was always curious when it came to anything to do with Maria. While she left matters concerning the other postulants to Sister Margaretta, she made an exception when it came to Maria. She was fascinated by the girl's spiritedness and her simple and unique perspective on life. In all her years of service at Nonnberg, she had come across every imaginable problem to be found among the postulants and novices, but Maria surprised her. She didn't have problems, she _was_ the problem; totally undisciplined and impulsive, frustrating less tolerant nuns with her running around and constant singing. Still, she liked the girl very much and knew that what she lacked in manners and decorum, she more than made up for in devotion and love.

That was why it was so hard to keep denying her when it came time for taking vows. And so very difficult to not let her keep trying.

She had thought it was providential when the opportunity came to send Maria to the von Trapp house to be a governess. She believed that Maria needed to leave the Abbey for a time, to use the opportunity that God sent to search her heart and determine if she truly understood what it meant to take those vows. Maria was always talking about what she wanted from life at the Abbey; a home, a family… a place to belong. The Reverend Mother wanted Maria to also see those things existed outside of the Abbey walls, too. Maria had to learn that wanting to belong and knowing she belonged were not the same thing.

When she lasted the first month with the von Trapps, the Reverend Mother was sure she found the solution to the problem of Maria. But then she returned unexpectedly, well before the determined time. She seemed very glad to be back and resumed her place among them as if she never left. In fact, she seemed even more determined to succeed. Maria was liked by all the Sisters, but it wasn't enough. In the end, it was clear that she would never become a nun. They would find a place for her among them, but in her heart the Mother knew it was better for Maria to find where she truly belonged. The hard part would be telling all of that to Maria.

"I would like to ask if Fraulein Maria could come back to us, to my children, that is. You see, I am about to embark on a rather large business venture and it is taking me to Italy for a very long time. I don't want to uproot my children. Austria is our home. But I can't just leave them without someone to care for them. Fraulein Maria was… well, my children became incredibly fond of her while she was with us. Her departure was quite a blow. I don't think they would accept anyone else and so I was hoping that maybe…" He couldn't quite finish the statement. He couldn't help but think that the nun sitting across from him knew there was something he wasn't saying.

"When Maria returned to us, I was led to believe that you were about to remarry, Captain," the older woman exclaimed in surprise. "Are you remarried?"

"No," he said, perplexed. "I'm not sure why she would tell you that." A second later, he realized he did know. She made up the story so she wouldn't have to give the real reason for leaving them. He tried to back track so he could keep her secret. "It is true that I brought the Baroness Elsa Schraeder to meet my children with the idea that someday there may be an engagement, but there was no definite plan for that to happen anytime soon. It must have been a misunderstanding."

"Hmm," the Reverend Mother toned as she regarded his explanation. "I am not sure I think that is the case. Did something happen to make Maria leave?" Georg shifted in his chair again.

"Happen? I'm not sure what you mean," he lied. If Maria didn't tell her, he was not about to betray any trust she might still have in him.

"Aren't you?" She asked again, her eyes fixed on him.

"It was her choice to leave us," Georg said quickly. His collar seemed tight and he wished he could stand and walk out the nerves that were growing in his belly without appearing to hide something. "She always talked about the Abbey as her home. I'm sure she was longing to be here, with her family." The Reverend Mother sighed. She could see him struggling with himself.

"Captain, I know you are a good and honorable man," she said. "Yet I sense there is something you aren't telling me, something between you and Maria." Georg stared at his hands.

"Mother, I'm not sure how honorable I am. After all, I'm leaving the burden on Maria to explain why she left. I suspect she is generously trying to spare me humiliation. I'm only trying to return the gesture." Georg looked the nun in the eye. "But Maria should not be ashamed. She did nothing wrong."

"So something _did_ happen, Captain?" Georg cast his eyes to the floor. After a long pause, he cleared his throat and spoke.

"I'll only say that I made her doubt herself."

"You may be right about that but Maria is very resilient. I wouldn't worry, Captain." The Reverend Mother stood and gestured toward the door, indicating the meeting was over. "Captain, please let me talk with Maria. From what you've told me, I must leave the choice up to her this time."

"Thank you, Reverend Mother," Georg nodded in relief as he followed her. It was all he could ask, and more than he deserved. "I am willing to do whatever I need to do to have her back, any accommodation, anything. And please," he paused before walking through the door. He reached into his pocket and produced an envelope. "Could I ask one more favor? Would you be willing to see that Maria gets this?" The abbess took the letter and nodded. She escorted the Captain to the gate and bid him goodbye.

As she walked slowly through the passageways, she started to frown with concern. She looked at the Captain's letter. He came all the way to the Abbey to discuss Maria but he never asked to see her. And yet in her hand was evidence that he had something he wanted to say to her, to only her. Something is very odd, she thought. She continued to the courtyard where she found Sister Margaretta. She asked the mistress of postulants to deliver the envelope to Maria with a message that once she read the contents, she was to report to the Mother's office as soon as possible.

XxXxXxX

Maria stared at the envelope long after Sister Margaretta left her alone. Her name was written in sharp pointy angles. The handwriting was familiar, but she couldn't understand how or why it would be from him. As she slid her finger under the seal and opened it, she said a quick prayer that it wasn't bad news, and that nothing had happened to one of the children. As she unfolded the piece of expensive stationery, her eyes fell to the name at the bottom and she felt a small pang in her chest.

Her very last memory of the Captain was when she informed him of her resignation. He was so miserable that day. As he should have been, she chided herself. He behaved abominably. Don't you remember the bitter smell of his breath in your face? How your lungs screamed for air when he covered your mouth with drunken force? The icy grip of his hands and the feeling of terror right before you were able to break free?

She remembered all of it, try as she did to forget. But she also remembered the pain in his eyes as he looked at her as if she was his dead wife. She remembered the raw ache in his voice as he begged for answers to the emptiness of his arms, his bed, his life. All she wanted to do was help him find a little respite from the hurt and loneliness. Her intentions were good. Your intentions are always good, she muttered again to herself. You still manage to ruin everything.

_"This!" Her uncle hissed at her, waving broken pieces of a dish in her face. "This is why you don't deserve to have good things. You are a careless girl, Maria! A stupid, careless girl that leaves nothing but destruction in her wake!"_ Maria recalled her uncle's words but the voice that spoke them now were her own. With a sigh she turned to the contents of the letter in her hand.

_Dear Fraulein Maria,_

_ I pray this letter finds you well. It has been just over three months since you left, more than twice the amount of time you spent with us. Somehow it doesn't seem that long ago. The children still feel your absence deeply. They continue to sing the songs you taught them, but your voice is missing. Please don't misunderstand. I accept that you had to go. I know I gave you no other choice. _

_ I have no right to ask you for anything, but I need to hire a governess for the children once again. I have business that will require me to go away for a long time. You should know you were never replaced. The children wouldn't have it and I didn't have the heart to press it upon them. They miss you very much. Would you please consider coming back? If you have an objection because of me, I will be gone. I'll be gone before you even arrive if that makes a difference for you. You should know that your feelings will be considered first and above all. _

_ Were you happy with us, Fraulein? Are you happy now? I ask because that is the most important thing. You should be where you are happy always. I eagerly await your decision. I hope it will be yes._

_Sincerely, _

_Captain Georg von Trapp_

Maria slid the letter back into the envelope with a heavy heart. She had tried to place her time with the von Trapp family neatly into the past. At first she thought she could at least allow herself to think about the children, but that hurt more than thinking about everything that made her leave. She loved those children, really loved them.

It was the only time she felt accepted outside of the Abbey. And if she were to be honest, she was more tolerated than accepted at the Abbey. After all, she had yet to be allowed to take the vows. Some of the Sisters weren't very subtle about their opinion of her unsuitability and she was constantly answering to someone for some infraction. At the Trapp villa, however, she was accepted. It took a bit of shouting and there was a point when the Captain demanded that she leave, but he was quick to apologize when he saw he was wrong. Here I'm always doing the apologizing, she thought. He apologized to me not once, but twice.

She wanted to be a nun, to serve God with her life. She knew somewhere in her heart that much was always true. The Abbey was her home, it was her family. It felt like betrayal to suggest that she wasn't loved enough here. She was treated like a postulant. What else should she have expected?

But _they_ didn't treat you like just a governess, her mind argued with her. Didn't Liesl say that they loved you almost as much as they loved their mother? Didn't they come to you with their hurts and their fears? Didn't they trust you with their secrets? Maria looked at her name written across the white envelope. The letter said that they missed her. After all this time, they still miss her.

When she returned to the Abbey, she was welcomed back warmly, of course, but she couldn't recall anyone that said they had missed her. In fact, quite a few times she heard how much quieter it was at the Abbey while she was gone. The Captain, on the other hand, wrote that they missed her voice… no, that her voice was missing, as if she were a piece of something that couldn't be whole without her. Maria's heart began to swell at the thought.

And just as quickly it dropped. At least the Abbey was safe. She couldn't say the same about the Trapp villa. There was no safe place outside Nonnberg's walls. Are you afraid of him? He won't even be there, the voice in her head laughed at her, didn't he say so in the letter? Yes, she answered. But who would keep them safe from her?

_"You are a careless girl, Maria! A stupid, careless girl that leaves nothing but destruction in her wake! You don't deserve to have good things!"_

XxXxXxX

The Reverend Mother watched Maria sitting quietly in the chair on the other side of her desk and waited for her to speak. Maria finally looked up at the nun and smiled humorlessly.

"I noticed there's no postage," she said, holding up the envelope, not really knowing where to start.

"It was delivered in person."

"In person? So, the Captain was here?" Maria started to feel her nerves begin to pulse at the idea that he came to discuss her with the Reverend Mother. "So, then you must know that he asked me to be a governess for his children again."

"Yes, that seemed to be his reason for coming," the abbess commented, somewhat doubtfully. She paused and regarded Maria for a moment. "I should have called for you. Perhaps it would have saved time. Do you wish to go back? I told him that I shall leave the decision up to you." Maria chewed her bottom lip as she pondered the question.

"Reverend Mother, may I ask about something?"

"Certainly, Maria," The abbess said with a nod.

"Will I ever take my vows?" The Reverend Mother was temporarily taken back. Not by the question, as she figured it was about time the girl start to wonder herself it would ever happen, but by the uncharacteristic note of defeat in her voice.

"I'm not sure I can answer you, my child," the abbess replied with a slight grin. "I do not have the ability to see into the future."

"No," Maria shook her head and moved to the edge of the chair. She leaned forward and looked fully into the nun's face. "What I want to know is, do you think I have I been wasting my time?" The Reverend Mother's face softened in sympathy.

"I see," was the reply. "I don't believe anything is a waste of time, Maria. I believe God sent you to us to teach you many things. But, since you are asking me a hard question, I feel I must give you the hard answer: No, Maria. I do not think you will ever take the vows. I'm sorry. I know how much you wanted… Oh, my child. Please do not cry."

"I… I understand," Maria cried, wiping the first tears that fell quickly. "Sister Margaretta tried to help me see it for myself, but I'm stubborn and I wanted it so much. My faith is too weak…"

"You have great faith and deep devotion, but the way we live out our faith here at the Abbey is… very particular. And it takes a lot of discipline. Don't lose heart; when the Lord closes a door, somewhere he opens a window." Maria dropped her eyes to the letter still clutched in her hands.

"Perhaps this is my open window, then," she said quietly. She looked up at the Reverend Mother with renewed sadness. "They need me back, Reverend Mother, and I need somewhere to go."

"But is that what you want to do?" Maria didn't answer right away. "Maria?" After a minute, the postulant wiped her eyes and stood up.

"Yes, Reverend Mother. They say they miss me and want me back. There is something to be said for that, isn't there?" The decision was made and it was a relief. "I need to let the Captain know. Would you, please, uh… would you?"

"I would be happy to make the arrangements," the nun replied warily. "It is rather strange, though, that he came all the way to the Abbey and never asked to see you. Now you ask me to intercede for you as well. It makes me wonder if it is proper for you to go back. What happened?" Maria hung her head. She made her choice; explaining what happened would serve no good purpose now.

"Nothing, Reverend Mother. I tried to help and I failed."

"They seem willing to give you another chance. It must not have been too terrible."

"Yes, Mother. I'll do my best this time not to let anything like it happen again."

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Sound of Music or the characters. I'm not paid for this. At all.**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Captain von Trapp moved quickly around study making sure he had everything he meant to bring with him to Italy. He checked the clock above the fireplace mantel and then his watch. Time was moving along and he wanted to be ready the moment Franz returned from retrieving the car from the service station. If it hadn't been for that blasted flat tire, he'd be gone by now. Fraulein Maria wasn't due to arrive for another couple hours, but he had planned to be long gone before she arrived. He had promised and he intended to keep his word. He glanced around the room one last time and then closed the case. He'd send for anything he missed.

He made his way to the main hall and set the case by the door. He turned and glanced up the stairs toward the children's rooms. He already said good bye to them, but they were set on making their final protest by refusing to see him off. He understood and didn't blame them, after all he had told them he would never go away again. Not only was he going back on his word, he was leaving for a lot longer than ever before. They were brave about it though, and he suspected it was because he knew it wasn't the same as all the trips he took to Vienna. If they only knew, he smiled to himself. He didn't tell them about Fraulein Maria. He wanted to the surprise to take their mind off of his absence, at least for a while.

"Franz called and said the tire is still giving a bit of trouble, Captain," Frau Schmidt said as she hurried to him with his coat and hat. "I took the liberty to call a taxi for you. I would hate for you to miss your train."

"Thank you," the Captain sighed wearily. "I hoped to be gone before…" He put his finger to his lips in a gesture of secrecy. Frau Schmidt was the only one who knew who was coming. The woman had been beside herself at the thought of a brand new governess. She was still recovering from the string of disasters before Fraulein Maria came to them.

"Don't you want to be here and see their faces?" she whispered, her eyes twinkling with conspiracy. "They are going to be so happy to have her back." He smiled but didn't answer. He did wish he could stay. He knew they'd forgive him for leaving when they learned he brought their beloved Fraulein back to them. Maybe not forgive, just forget faster.

Nevertheless, he needed to be gone before she arrived, but not only because he gave his word to her. The thought of seeing her face to face filled him with a nervous dread. He couldn't figure out what he would say or how he would act. It was the most confounded thing, a former captain of the Royal Navy and he was afraid of this postulant, a mere slip of a woman who couldn't hurt the spiders his children probably tried to hide in her bed.

"What I do wish," he finally answered. "Is for my children to at least come and see me off. I think they are trying to punish me."

"They are going to miss you," the housekeeper said, shaking her head. "But if anyone can soothe that away it's…," she dropped her voice down to another whisper. "It's Fraulein Maria." She turned toward the stairs. "I'll go fetch them. It isn't right for them to refuse one last goodbye."

The Captain pulled his coat on and began to move his billfold to the pockets, double checking the cash and the tickets when the bell rang. He hurried to open the door, hoping the driver wouldn't mind a few extra minutes for the children to come down. As soon as he opened the door, however, his mouth froze open, the words he planned to say lodged in this throat. Instead of a driver, it was Maria.

"Fraulein! You're… here!"

"Good morning, Captain," she said, rather puzzled. "Did I get the wrong day?"

"Oh, no! I just wasn't expecting to—I mean, I thought you weren't coming for a couple more hours." He remained frozen in the doorway. "I agreed to be gone before you arrived." Maria stared at her hands giving the handle on her bag a nervous twist.

"Leave it to me to be early for a change and ruin everything." Neither spoke again for a few seconds. Maria finally looked up. It didn't bother her to see him, not like she thought it might. He wasn't very different from how she remembered him, still self-possessed, still that indomitable aristocratic confidence. And yet, in his eyes she could that he was afraid to look at her for too long. She offered him a smile. "I'm here now, though, so… may I come inside, Captain?"

"Of course, Fraulein," he said, moving to give her wide berth to enter. Maria made her way inside and looked around. It felt so nice to be back there, almost like coming home after a long trip. But this isn't home, she reminded herself. This is your new job. "I want to express my gratitude that you agreed to come back. The children are ready to disown me." Finally Maria smiled in full.

"Oh, how are the children? I've missed them so…" She was cut off when the Captain heard the sound of footsteps approaching the top of the stairs. Without thinking, he grabbed her guitar case off the floor and pulled her by the arm into the ballroom.

"I haven't told them you were coming," his words rushed at her. "Are you game for a bit of fun?"

"I beg your pardon?!"

Her shocked tone stopped him short. He looked at his hand still gripping her arm, and then at the uncertain look on her face. He released her instantly. "Forgive me, Fraulein. I-I didn't mean to… I mean, did I hurt you?" He wanted to kick himself.

"It's quite alright, Captain." Maria rubbed the spot where he held her. If it had been anyone else, she wouldn't have even thought twice about it. She offered a polite smile. It gave him a little hope, but unfortunately did nothing to un-rattle his brain in time to keep him from speaking.

"You must think I can't keep my hands to myself!" The words flew from his mouth before he could stop them. He winced.

"Captain!" Maria gasped. She took a deep breath and nervously smoothed her hands over the skirt of her dress. "I know this is awkward and believe me, I am as unsure what to say to you, but perhaps if we could just stop… talking?"

"Of course, please forgive-," He started again, barely recovered. He halted at her pleading stare. "Just stay in here. Please." She nodded and held her breath as he walked briskly away. Maria relaxed as he left her in the darkened ballroom. She was looking forward to seeing the children, and chose to focus on that reunion as means to forget the disastrous one that just happened.

XxXxXxXxX

The Captain stood in the hall and watched his sullen faced children trudge down the stairs. He mustered a stern look and glowered at them as they approached.

"I must say, children, that I'm quite disappointed."

"Father?"

"This act of avoiding me," he continued. He paced before them. "I understand that you are unhappy with me, but I thought you'd at least wait for me to go before you start to break rules and cause trouble for poor Frau Schmidt." The children looked at each other with perplexed expressions.

"We've been in the boys' room all morning, Father," Liesl spoke up.

"Then how do you explain the ballroom?"

"What about the ballroom?"

"The door was ajar, Liesl. What I found inside, well… I just hope you have a good explanation." He waited but they were too confused to even flinch. "Well? Go on! Take a look for yourself!" Another few seconds passed before Liesl started to make her way toward the offending door. The others watched as she pushed the door open to look. She gasped, turned back at her Father in disbelief and then began to laugh. Without a word to her siblings she vanished inside. Kurt was the next to look, but quickly the others ran to see what was so shocking.

By the time he made it to the doorway, the joyous commotion was in full. He watched all his children clamor to be close to her, as if none of it could be real if they couldn't reach out and touch her. He stayed back. He wasn't even supposed to be there, he reasoned. Still, he couldn't help it. It had been a very long time since he saw his children laugh together.

He also hung back because it felt safer to observe Maria from a bit of a distance. Even in the low light of the ballroom he could see that she was very happy to see the children again. She had one arm around Marta who was clinging to her side. She managed to reach out and tenderly touch the cheek of the others in greeting before Gretl pulled her free hand down into her own.

"Father, what a nasty trick to play," Liesl cried as she broke from the gathering and ran to his side. "Why didn't you tell us?"

"I don't know," he shrugged as he laughed. "I thought it would be a nice surprise." He gave the scene another glance before he looked at his eldest daughter and said more seriously, "I know my children are angry at me for leaving. I thought a surprise would help them forget how much, at least for a while." Liesl hung her head at the reminder that the day was not all happy.

"Will you come back soon?"

"I can't really promise when that will be," he answered. "But I'll write lots of letters. It won't be like before, Liesl. That I can promise." She gave him a sad smile before falling against him as he pulled an arm around her shoulders in comfort. "Now, I need you to promise me something. You make sure your brothers and sisters are good to Fraulein Maria. And if you think there is anything I need to know, you write and tell me."

"I think Brigitta would be a better spy, don't you?"

"I'm asking you, Liesl, because you are grown up now. You are not Fraulein Maria's charge, you are her friend." Liesl stood up straight and nodded, pleased and proud.

"I will, Father. Don't' worry about anything," she said as they moved together toward the others. Maria continued to beam in the presence of the children, and the Captain marveled that she seemed to relish the constant chatter instead of being overwhelmed by it.

"Captain," Frau Schmidt interrupted. "Your taxi has arrived." Instantly the noise stopped. The faces of his seven children became solemn once again.

"I'll be ready in a few minutes," the Captain nodded. He turned to his children. "I would like to have a few moments with your governess, children. Please go wait for me outside." They quietly obeyed. Liesl paused by the housekeeper before moving on.

"Frau Schmidt, I think it would be nice to have tea in the family room this morning in honor of Fraulein Maria's return, don't you agree?" The housekeeper nodded approvingly and followed the girl out of the ballroom, leaving the Captain and Maria alone there once again. Maria looked at him and raised an eyebrow.

"Liesl has been trying her hand as the Lady of the House," he explained with some amusement. "It was her idea, but I can't discourage it. She needs to learn these things, though a lot of it seems to be quite natural for her. Frau Schmidt has been kind enough to guide her along." Maria flashed him a grand smile.

"That's wonderful, Captain. I know it must be hard to admit finally that she isn't a little girl anymore. I suppose…" Her smile faded. "I suppose a lot has changed." Not too much I hope, Maria secretly wished. An awkward silence threatened to linger between them.

"Well, they are back at school. All except for Gretl, of course. Marta started school but it has proven to be a bit hard for her to make such a long trip back and forth, so… I was wondering if you would mind teaching her at home."

"Of course, Captain. That would be no trouble at all. Gretl, too. She not too young to get started."

"Thank you." With that settled, the Captain cleared his throat and began to pace. "Uh, Fraulein…" He paused. Maria shifted nervously. "I wonder if we can talk about… well, you know. What happened?"

"Really, Captain, it has been forgotten…"

"No," he interrupted. "No, it hasn't been forgotten. I haven't forgotten it at all."

"Well, I wish you would. In fact, I wish we could never speak of it. Ever." Her voice wasn't harsh, he thought, but a bit tired a lot sad.

"I feel like I should apologize again."

"Why? Weren't you sincere the first time?"

"Of course!"

"Then it was enough."

"But, Fraulein…" Finally Maria cracked.

"Please, Captain. What's the point of talking about it?" She hung her head and let out a long shaky breath. "It didn't, uh… change me if that is what you are wondering. I'm still the same Maria that falls out of row boats and disobeys orders during thunderstorms." She attempted to laugh. He returned it, but only partly.

"Are you? Truly?"

"Well, that's a first," she joked, trying to desperately change the mood of their conversation. "You actually sound hopeful that it is true. How refreshing after a lifetime of people telling me I need to change." The Captain said nothing and her smile dropped. Even after he softened toward his children and let himself be close to them again, he always remained very proper. Now he seemed… crushed. "Captain, do you believe in second chances?"

"Yes," he said quickly.

"Well, second chances work better if we leave the past behind, don't you agree?"

"I think I do." Maria nodded, and it was final. The Captain gestured toward the doors and allowed her to lead the way. They made their way outside where a sad party of children waited, lined up oldest to youngest for final good byes. He hugged his daughters tightly and whispered words Maria could only imagine were affectionate and sweet. For his sons, he placed a hand on their shoulder, then moving it tenderly but firmly to the back of their heads he addressed them as men, giving them the task to be gentle with their sisters and to keep up everyone's spirits while he was gone. Maria was moved by the scene before her.

Once again he turned to Maria and gave her a quick grateful bow.

"Fraulein, I leave my precious children in your care. I know you'll do a very fine job. Thank you." He dared to look in her face before turning to get in the car. "And thank you for the second chance."

"Have a good trip, Captain," she said, then lowered her voice. "But you should know that when I mentioned second chances I was actually talking about the one you have given me."

**Disclaimer: not mine, don't own, blah blah blah…**

**A/N: Drop me a review. Please. **


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

The next couple weeks were a mix of falling back into the familiar task of taking care of the children and the new routine of sending the older children off to school while organizing lessons for Marta and Gretl. For the most part, it was easy. It wasn't like those first days in summer when they didn't know each yet. She didn't have to prove anything. Well, not to them.

Dinner, however, was the most difficult part of the day. That was when the absence of the Captain was most obvious and felt the sharpest. His empty spot at the head of the table was a sad reminder for all of them that he was away, not just in another room or visiting Vienna for a few days. Finally, after weeks of watching the children pick at their food and struggling to pull more than one word sentences out of them, Maria developed a game to distract them from their sorrow.

"Each of us will take a turn and share the worst thing that happened to us today and the best thing that happened," she explained to the wide eyed brood sitting around the table.

"The worst thing?" Brigitta asked somewhat doubtfully. "What if nothing bad has happened?"

"Well, then I guess you must remember to thank the Lord when you say your prayers tonight, won't you?" Maria replied and then looked around the table. "So, that's all there is to it. Who wants to go first?" No one spoke up. "Liesl, what if you start the game for us?"

"No, thank you, Fraulein Maria," the girl answered quietly. Maria had noticed Liesl was particularly glum and until that moment presumed it was because she missed her father like the rest, but wondered if that was really it.

"Very well, we can come back to you later," Maria offered nonchalantly, taking a bite of her dinner and turning to the others. "Who wants to be the first?"

"I know the worst thing that happened to me," Louisa moaned and began to make a face. "There is a dreadful boy at school who won't leave me alone. He follows me around everywhere and always tries to sit near me in class." Maria hid a smile. I suppose what figures to be best and worst depends on who is doing the telling, she laughed to herself.

"You are completely ridiculous," Liesl said to her sister, her sour mood made even more evident by her tone.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Complaining because a boy likes you," Liesl laughed at her. "Then again, you always were ridiculous."

"Liesl-"Maria warned quietly.

"Ridiculous?" Louisa asked angrily. She glared at her older sister. Liesl didn't offer to explain herself, focusing on the food before her and stabbing at it viciously with her fork. "Please do go on. How am I ridiculous?" Liesl dropped her fork unceremoniously and returned the fierce look.

"Even though you're a girl, you don't act like one. You climb trees, collect bugs… most of the time your hair is a mess and you're dirty and sweaty from running around all the time. In short, you look like a girl but act like a boy. You're a… a tomboy! I'm surprised your admirer hasn't noticed this about you. Boys don't like tomboys. "

"Is that so?" Louisa struggled for a good comeback for a short moment before placing her hands on the table with what she was sure the end of the argument. "Fraulein Maria was a tomboy. She told us that herself. I'm sure lots of boys liked her." Maria sat up and opened her mouth to interject; she wasn't sure she wanted to be dragged into this.

"Girls! I suggest the two of you go back to using your mouths to eat. Chew something, please." She shot each of them a look, but Liesl was beyond stopping what she started.

"That's the point, isn't it? If boys liked Fraulein Maria, she wouldn't want to be a _nun_!" Liesl let all her contempt rest on the last word without a thought. The reaction, however, was quick.

"Liesl! Don't say such mean things!" Friedrich admonished in a low hush. Liesl remained unfazed. Louisa drew herself up.

"Well, I'll say one thing I know. I would rather be like Fraulein Maria and _ridiculous_ than be like you! Tell me, what do you call a girl that lets a boy kiss her just to get him to like her?" Louisa folded her arms across her chest and waited for the words to hit the mark. Liesl looked daggers at her sister. She had told her about Rolf's kiss in confidence.

"What would you know, you… ridiculous tomboy! Be a nun for all I care."

"Fraulein Maria is not ridiculous!" Marta shouted at both of them before bursting into tears. Maria rested her hand on the little girl's arm and then stood up. She drew in a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

"I think it would be a good idea for you to leave the table now, Liesl."

"I'm alright, Fraulein. I can keep my thoughts to myself from now on," Liesl answered in a lower voice.

"It wasn't a suggestion, Liesl," Maria said flatly. Liesl's eyes grew wide at the realization that she was being ordered, but she obediently rose and left the table. Once she was gone Maria turned her attention toward Louisa who was shaking and on the edge of tears.

"I'm sorry, Fraulein Maria. I didn't mean to say that you were ridiculous. I just meant…"

"That will do, Louisa. I hope the only thing you have left to say is the best thing that happened to you." Louisa swallowed hard and nodded. "Well?"

"Um, I… I guess the best thing that happened today was that the dreadful boy didn't try to kiss me." Maria narrowed her eyes at the girl. Just then Kurt started to snicker and soon the others were laughing too. Maria sighed. The game seemed like such a good idea before dinner.

XxXxXxXxX

Maria knocked on Liesl's door gently, but didn't wait for permission to enter. She felt a little bad about sending the girl away from the dinner table. She never had to exert her authority before and it didn't feel good. She knew Liesl didn't mean to hurt her feelings or to provoke her sister, but the fact remained that she did.

Liesl sat on the edge of her bed and looked terrible. It was clear she spent most of the time alone crying. As soon as she looked up and saw her governess standing in the doorway, she burst into another round of sobs.

"I'm sorry I said those dreadful things about you, Fraulein. I don't know what came over me. Can you please forgive me?" Her voice was hoarse and her words were full of remorse. Maria felt her own eyes threaten to cry.

"Of course, I can and I do," she said gently. She moved quickly to sit beside her and pull her into an embrace. "You said some rather nasty things about Louisa, too, you know."

"I know," Liesl sighed. "I'm horrible."

"No, you're troubled." Maria released the girl from her arms and helped wipe her tears. "I am guessing from the topic of your little fit it has to do with a boy." Liesl rolled her eyes and nodded. "Do you want to talk about it?" Liesl chewed her lower lip. Maria could see her skepticism. "Louisa exaggerated with her estimation of 'lots' but there is a boy or two in my past. I'm not completely useless when it comes to matters of the heart. Even though I'm a _nun_." Maria laughed, but Liesl groaned to hear her own words thrown back at her.

"There is a boy," she started shyly. "I like him very much and I thought he liked me, too, but…" She became apprehensive. "But I haven't talked to him in such a long time. I only get to see him at school because…" She stopped herself.

"Because not many telegrams get sent to this address these days, am I right?"

"How did you know?" Liesl gaped, and then groaned in frustration. "Oh, it doesn't matter. With father gone, he'll never have a reason to come. Meanwhile, a girl named Hannah keeps throwing herself at him without any shame. And he seems interested."

"Maybe he is just being nice."

"Oh, he is so nice," Liesl said sadly. "Maybe I should be as brash as Hannah and stand too close to him and giggle at every word he says and gush at everything he does." She looked at her governess as if seeking permission. Maria shook her head.

"That's not who you are," she encouraged. "If he likes you, he'll find a way to let you know. If he doesn't, well… it will only hurt for a little while." Liesl nodded and then turned to face Maria. Her face tilted in wonder.

"Did you have your heart broken?"

"Everyone has their heart roughed up a bit, Liesl. I'm not different than anyone else."

"Was it awful? Is that why you decided to become a nun?"

"Oh, no, no. That has nothing to do with it," Maria chuckled. "Wouldn't that be something if every girl ran away to a convent whenever a boy broke her heart? I wanted to be a nun because I wanted to serve God with my life. I wanted a purpose. I wanted a place to belong." She started to feel the words choke her. "But, uh, there is something I should say about that. You see, I am not going to be a nun after all. When I left the Abbey to come here, I left it for good." Liesl's eyes grew wide.

"You did? But what about all those things you wanted?"

"I still want them, but the Abbey just isn't where I'm going to find them, I guess." Maria stood up and walked a few steps toward the door. She turned back and smiled. "But I'm not giving up. Neither should you." Liesl nodded and looked at Maria with affection.

"Thank you, I feel better."

"You'll truly feel better if you go and set things right with Louisa."

XxXxXxXxX

Maria sat reading in bed when she finally realized she had been reading the same paragraph for ten minutes. She tossed the book toward the foot of the bed, pushed the covers aside and got up. Her conversation with Liesl was still running through her mind, making sleep somewhat impossible. She thought she handled it well enough. Liesl admitted her fault and mended things with Louisa. So why was something not feeling right?

She knew Liesl didn't mean it when she implied that she only wanted to become a nun because she was incapable of pursuing a love life. She wanted to be a nun because she wanted to devote her life in service to God. She wanted the comfort of being part of a life of sacrifice and love. The first time she looked over the Abbey walls and heard the singing she felt it in her soul that she wanted it so much. But there was a reason she went down the mountain that day. The reason _was_ a boy.

She was flattered when he wanted to walk her home, unsure when he asked for a kiss and mortified when he suggested more. She knew what everyone thought of her; she was a miserable orphan and therefore nothing but trash. She had hoped he was different, that it was just a misunderstanding. Instead he seemed shocked that she refused his behavior. Then his shock gave way to ridicule. He called her things… if only they were as harmless as "ridiculous". Humiliated, she fled. Not to her home where she had no ally, where it would be pointless and embarrassing to explain her tears. She fled down the mountain until she heard the singing. In the middle of a dreadful day, God spoke to her and showed her what she could be. And she wanted to be anything but that shameful creature that boy and everyone - including herself - saw her to be.

When she first arrived at the Abbey, she was questioned extensively about her reasons for becoming a nun. She wanted to serve God with her life; truth. She felt a call to devote herself to the Church as a nun; truth. She was content with her life before and was not seeking a refuge from it; not the truth. But she thought the first two statements were what really mattered and rendered the third statement irrelevant in the end. God knew her heart, she told herself. He didn't hold her problems against her dreams.

Did she lie to Liesl or simply misrepresent the truth? She joined the convent because of what she wanted to be, not what she didn't want to be. She could see how it was a fine line. The truth was that the choice she made to become a nun _did_ have to do with a boy after all.

She moved to her desk and reached for a pen. In the end, her experience with heartache only qualified her to sympathize with Liesl. She needed to tell the Captain what was going on. He would have his opinions on the matter, to be sure. If she didn't want to mess things up, it would help know what those opinions were.

She had already written a report on the children's health and progress at school, requested permission to begin piano lessons for Marta and Gretl, and updated him on the lives of all the children. She presumed it was what he wanted to hear as she never heard back to the contrary. She would tell him about Liesl and he would know what to say and do. At the very least he might ask the Baroness to write to Liesl and offer better advice than she could ever give. She flipped through the pages to the end where she had already signed her name and added a post script.

_P.S. Now, Captain, about Liesl…_

XxXxXxXxX

A week later, just as Maria and the children sat down to dinner, Franz appeared in the doorway. He cleared his throat to catch the attention of the distracted governess.

"Yes, Franz?"

"I have a telegram…" The word was like a trigger on a trap. Instantly Liesl stood up and took a step toward the door.

"Who delivered it?" She asked the butler who frowned at being interrupted.

"That boy Rolf did, but…"

"Oh, Fraulein," Liesl didn't finish, she only looked pleadingly at the other end of the table. Maria floundered. She had yet to hear from the Captain and was hesitant to let her go, but she knew it would be such a disappointment to deny her. She finally relented with a quick nod, and Liesl moved quickly to leave.

"But Miss Liesl," Franz finally spoke up. "The telegram is for you." The girl froze in her tracks.

"For me?" Franz stood with the telegram in his extended arm. Liesl reached for it, her mind racing to know who would send it. She looked at Maria and the others who sat breathless waiting for her to open and read it. "For me?" Franz confirmed it, slightly offended at the suggestion that he would be wrong over a silly matter like a telegram. "Thank you, Franz."

Everyone waited for Liesl to open and tell them what it said, but she didn't seem to know what to do. Finally she tore through the envelope and unfolded the telegram. It wasn't a very long message. She read it three times and it still didn't make sense.

"Well? Who is it from? What does it say?" Louisa said impatiently.

"It's from Father," Liesl replied while her mind still tried to decipher the message. "It says, 'Ask him to meet your Fraulein.' I don't understand." She looked at Maria expectantly.

"What?" Maria quickly joined Liesl by her side and read the telegram for herself. She let the words run through her mind until a smile spread quickly across her face. She thought it was brilliant. "I think it is very clear, don't you? Your father wants you to ask the young man to come in. You better not keep him waiting." Liesl beamed as she agreed. Maria turned to the rest of the confused children and gave them permission to start dinner after Brigitta asked the Lord's blessing.

She followed behind Liesl slowly, giving her enough time to meet Rolf and invite him to come inside. Her step was light as she thought how glad she was that she told the Captain. Instead of a letter forbidding her to let Liesl see any boys, he brought the boy to Liesl and gave a blessing. It was the last thing she expected him, or at least the man he was when she first met him, to do. She only hoped she could play her role well and not give him cause to regret his permission. Before she could doubt herself too much, Liesl and the young man entered the house through the terrace doors.

"Fraulein Maria, I would like to introduce you to my friend Rolf," Liesl said, her eyes never leaving the boy by her side.

"It's nice to meet you, Rolf," Maria said politely. He was a nice looking young man, and his smile reached his eyes as he returned her greeting.

"I'm very glad to meet you, Fraulein," he said. He let out a long nervous breath.

"Do you have time to stay for a while?"

"Yes, this was my last delivery."

"Well, we were just about to have dinner," Maria explained. "Have you eaten yet?"

"No, but I couldn't intrude…"

"Oh, you must!" Liesl insisted, perhaps a bit too much. "Please have dinner with us. It's just Fraulein Maria and my sisters and brothers. My father is away."

"Yes, I know."

"You… you do?" Rolf opened his mouth to answer but was suddenly stuck to say anything. Maria quickly rescued him.

"Please stay, Rolf. You don't want to disappoint Liesl, do you?" He shook his head and turned to Liesl.

"No, I really don't. I'm not dressed properly, though. Is it alright?"

"You look fine, Rolf. Come on." Liesl took him by the arm and guided him toward the dining room. Maria followed behind. From what she could tell, she thought Liesl didn't have to really worry about Hannah or any other girl.

XxXxXxXxX

_Dear Father,_

_Thank you for the telegram, Father. Just hearing a few words from you would have made this day special, but what you said in your telegram made it magical. I invited Rolf (that's his name) into the house to meet Fraulein Maria. She invited him to stay for dinner. I only wanted to be able to see him and talk to him, but there he was sitting at our table! I was so happy._

_Fraulein Maria let him sit in your chair next to me. I hope you don't mind. I think Friedrich was a little put out about that, but I'm not sure Friedrich cared for him very much. I don't know why because Rolf is such a nice boy! He was very polite and complimentary and he even made us laugh a couple times. I was disappointed that Rolf had to leave so soon after dinner but Fraulein Maria gave us a few minutes alone in the sitting room before he left. I say we were alone, but to be honest, Friedrich kept finding excuses to come in and disturb us. I should be annoyed, but it was just such a wonderful evening that I'm not. I have you to thank for it! I'm sure Fraulein Maria told you about him but I know the telegram was your idea. _

_I'm so glad you asked Fraulein Maria to come back. She is such a wonderful friend and made me feel so much better when I was upset about Rolf. Did you know that she isn't going to be a nun anymore? _

_We are fine but miss you so much. I wish I knew when you will come home again, even just for a visit. Please take care of yourself, Father, and write to us. It isn't the same as having you here but we can close our eyes and hear your voice and it will be almost as sweet._

_Your loving daughter, Liesl_

No matter how many times the Captain read the letter, his eyes would get stuck at the same part; Fraulein Maria was no long a postulant. His chest tightened and the familiar heaviness of spirit came over him. His hands trembled as he folded the letter and placed it back inside the envelope. She had lied. She may still fall out of row boats but she was not the same woman as before.

He tossed the letter on the desk, stood up and began to pace around the small room he used for a private study. His movements reflected in a wide mirror over the fireplace mantel caught his eye and he moved closer. He loathed the man staring back and cursed him.

"This is all your fault."

**A/N: Shout out to augiesannie for her help with this chapter. Shout out to proboard peeps for the fun. PM if you are interested in being a part of a great forum… movie discussions, story help and writing prompts. And lots of pics of CP. Oodles. **

**Disclaimer: Don't own, not mine, blah, blah, blah**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

Georg entered the house he called home since arriving in Trieste. He still was unused to how much quieter than the villa. He missed his children and couldn't believe there was a time when he would have preferred this boring silence to the happy noise that filled the air there. He shed the overcoat and began to drape it over a hall chair when the housekeeper came running down the stairs to meet him.

"I'm so sorry, Captain," she sputtered breathlessly, quickly taking the coat in her arms and offering to take his case. "Baroness Schraeder needed my help dressing for this evening. She said to tell you to hurry because you're late."

"This evening?" Georg froze. He was so tired. Where in the blazes did Elsa mean to drag him off to this time?

"The Lieutenant and his wife are having a dinner party before the concert," the housekeeper reminded him. She looked at him sympathetically. "I'm sorry, perhaps you should have been reminded this morning."

"Oh, no," he sighed wearily. "I don't think it would have made a difference." For the first time in months, his thoughts went to fixing himself something to drink. He didn't want one, but facing another social evening with Elsa on his arm was just the kind of thing that would make him think he needed it. Instead he headed up the stairs toward his room, trudging up each step.

He saw his clothing set out at the foot of the bed and winced. Another formal dinner. It was never casual, never just a meal, always an occasion. He threw his suit jacket carelessly toward the bed and watched as it missed and slipped to the floor. He bent down to pick it up, but fatigue wouldn't let him get all the way back up. He pulled himself to the edge of the bed, loosened his tie and flopped backwards. He needed a few minutes to stop thinking. To let his eyes rest.

"Georg, darling?" Elsa knocked on the open door. She moved in a few steps and saw him practically asleep. "Georg, wake up." He obeyed, but not quickly. He rubbed his eyes as he sat up and struggled to focus on her. She was a vision, he couldn't deny it.

"You look lovely," he managed, his voice drained. Elsa watched him blankly and then forced a smile.

"And you look exhausted. I supposed you'd prefer to stay home. I'll be glad to make excuses for you, but… as you see, I'm already dressed. Would you mind terribly if I went without you?" Georg raised his eyes in surprise. For a second he dared to think she meant it.

"No, I'll go," he assured her. He wasn't about to send her off alone. He didn't want to go, but it wasn't right. "We'll just have to be a little late. I need to shower."

"Don't be ridiculous," Elsa insisted impatiently and instantly he realized that she was actually annoyed. "Lenora's brother showed up unexpectedly, there was going to be an odd number anyway. If you stay home and get your rest, it makes it even again." Georg gave a short laugh.

"Should I be jealous?" Elsa shot him a look of irritation but didn't answer. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. I am tired and it would be good if I turned in early. I haven't been sleeping well. Thank you for understanding. You're too good to me." He stood and walked toward her. He leaned forward to give her a kiss, but she turned her head in time for him to make contact on her cheek.

"Lipstick, darling," she whispered. He nodded his apology. The housekeeper interrupted the awkward silence that threatened to settle between them.

"Excuse me, Baroness, but the car is ready," she said politely.

"I know you haven't prepared dinner, so just make a cold plate for the Captain, will you?" Elsa suggested as if he weren't even there and incapable of ordering his own dinner with his own housekeeper. "He says he's tired, so I'm sure that is all he'd want anyway."

"Yes," Georg interjected a bit sourly. "_He_ thinks that would be just fine." Elsa ignored him as the housekeeper helped her into her fur.

"Is there anything else, Baroness?"

"Have you started my packing yet?" Elsa asked, watching Georg out of the corner of her eye.

"Mostly finished."

"That's all, then. Thank you." She waited for the girl to leave and turned to give him a coy smile. "I was going to tell you on our way to dinner. I am leaving in the morning for Vienna. I have a few appointments to keep." Georg nodded.

"Will you be back?" By the way she hesitated he had a feeling he knew the answer. Elsa needed attention, lots of careful attention and he had been too busy to give it to her.

"I'm not sure." He could tell it wasn't the answer she really wanted to give him. It was too gentle to be honest.

"It's no use, is it? Things haven't worked out the way we hoped," Georg said quietly.

"They haven't worked out as I hoped, no. I don't think you actually hoped things would work out one way or the other." There wasn't any bitterness in the way she said it. "I'm just sorry that I dragged you away from home for one last try. Please don't hate me for that."

"I couldn't hate you if I tried," he said, and he meant it. "I'm just sorry you wasted your time and charm on me. You deserve more than I can give you. Much more." He saw a flash of sadness in her eyes as he said it and then suddenly it was gone.

"The car is waiting for me. We'll save our good bye for the morning, hmm?" This time she didn't hesitate. She pressed her lips gently on his before turning and walking out the door.

He knew he should feel something, anything other than relief. There was a time when he planned to marry Elsa. He cared for her and found her to be a good companion when they were together. She knew that there was a part of him that would always belong to his wife, a part of his heart that he couldn't give her. She understood and accepted it and for a long time it seemed like a perfect match. Now he could see how it was unfair. Perhaps it was appropriate to feel relief after all.

He dropped back to the edge of the bed and ran his hands over his weary face, pressing the heels of his palms against his eyes with a groan. He was tired, so very tired. He hadn't slept a full night in a week. Not that he was a stranger to sleepless nights. Loneliness and memories were merciless at night. Lately, though, he simply had too much on his mind. It occurred to him that of all the things running through his mind and keeping sleep at bay, Elsa was never one of them. She should have been all he could think about. That was the way it was supposed to be. Instead he was constantly thinking about an ex-postulant and how she came to be that way.

He was willing to allow that their brief and albeit clumsy meeting before he left did not give her time to inform him of this bit of information. But since he received that letter from Liesl, he reread every update Maria sent him for the smallest indication that she was no longer preparing to be a nun. There wasn't the slightest mention of it in any of them. In fact, there was nothing personal about them.

After a quick shower and change, Georg went downstairs. He asked for his dinner to be brought to him in his study. Before he could even attempt sleep, there was something he had to do.

XxXxXxXxX

_Dear Fraulein,_

_I'm pleased with the reports of the children's progress that you have been sending. The letters I receive from the children go further in letting me know that you are doing a wonderful job caring for them. The older children have told me that you are challenging them with some more complicated madrigals but as always, you make it fun. The younger children told me that it is like you never left. Everything is back to the way it was. _

_But there is something odd about these reports, something I have been trying to pin point since the very first one. I realized, finally, that the woman who writes them and the woman who promised me that she has not been changed are not the same person. If she were, she wouldn't ask permission for music lessons. She would have conspired with Liesl without my knowing. _

_I think of those first days when you came into my home like a hurricane and turned everything upside down. You challenged me constantly and never minded your place. How did I put up with it? I think the answer is a lot simpler than I want to admit, even to you. Forget that you were right most of the time. Forget that my children adored you from the start. Your eyes, Fraulein, are the answer. They teemed with a mixture of innocence and conviction. There was persuasion in them that made me second guess everything once I was out of your presence. It unsettled me that there was no fear of me in your eyes, but there was also no indifference. You looked at me as if you understood something about me that I did not, and you never pitied or judged me for it. _

_The day after, when I finally saw for myself the aftermath of my recklessness, the first thing I noted was that your eyes were no longer as blue. They weren't as bright. It looked as if the light was snuffed out. And now I am told that you are no longer preparing to become a nun. It was such a part of who you were. It was the light in your eyes. Not everything is back to the way it was before at all._

_If you were being false when you insisted nothing changed, then I feel fine going back on my promise not to dredge up the past. How can I not? If it were not for me and my actions, you would still pursue your calling. Do not deny me my guilt this time, Fraulein. I have robbed God. Surely there is hell to pay for that._

_You do not owe me an explanation, but I hope you will give me one if for no other reason that I might know how best to plead with God for my soul. _

_Sincerely,_

_Cap. GvT_

XxXxXxXxX

_Captain,_

_When you departed for Italy, I understood that the subject of what happened last summer wouldn't be mentioned again. I also believed that you were a man of your word, even if you thought I was being false. Clearly I was wrong on both counts. _

_While it is true that I am no longer preparing to become a nun, the reasons are not as earth shattering as you make it out to be. I find it amazing that you can recall my first days in your home with such sentimentality. You talk of my convictions and power of persuasion as though you admired them from the start, but we both know that you found my lack of discipline too torturous for that to be true. Why, the very first time you saw me, you ordered me out of a forbidden room! The fact is, Captain, you did not put up with me. At one point you fired me and while it is true you also asked me to stay, I still made mistakes. I never learned discipline. I never learned my place. I did not stay put. I went where I was not supposed to be. _

_How could any of that make a good nun? The cloistered life is one of strict living, of quiet contemplation and humble dedication. What, if anything, about me fits into that life? It took me a lot longer than the Sisters to know the answer; nothing. I failed, Captain. That is all there is to it. And the failure was in who I was, not in what you did. I never learned discipline. I never learned my place. I did not stay put. I went where I was not supposed to be. _

_You can put your mind—and soul—at ease. You did not rob God. Forgive me for saying so, but it is mighty presumptuous to believe you could pick God's pocket. How can you rob God of something He wants, or in my case, something He doesn't want? You have quite the ego to think you could!_

_Sir, you do not know everything there is to know about me therefore it is impossible for you to say I have changed. I was sent to you on God's errand and I left a failure. I failed to meet the requirements to be a nun. If you insist that I have changed, then I say it is a good thing. Success would be a welcomed development._

_As for my eyes, they are none of your concern. My eyes watch over your children. If you are satisfied with their care, that is all that should matter to you. _

_Sincerely, Maria R._

XxXxXxXxX

A low rumble smothered in his throat as Georg allowed an amused huff. He read her letter three or four times in just one sitting. He should feel indignant that she would have the nerve to reply with such a tone, but he couldn't bring himself to feel anything but gladness. It was not the first time he was on the receiving end of her fiery temperament. After wallowing in the fear that he had ruined her spirit, it unsettled him to find that he was almost giddy to be dressed down by her again.

**A/N: Weirdest thing. As I was writing this chapter, Elsa decided to leave us… all on her own. I didn't realize she wanted out so much. Ah, well. I suppose it better to leave as friends. Auf weidersehen, darling.**

**Please review. I'm really going to need something to motivate from this point out. And I can't promise quick updates, but I'll try. **

**Disclaimer: If I owned 'The Sound of Music' and its characters, there would have been a LOT more kissing. Just sayin'.**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

Dear Fraulein,

I'm sorry that my letter made you angry, though not as sorry as I probably should be. Somehow it made me happy that despite everything, you are still quite passionate when it comes to setting me straight on things, just like the time you told me I was being a wretched father to my children. I have been rebuked by the most fearsome commanders that ever sailed the oceans in my day, Fraulein, but I assure you the image of you dripping wet and calling me out will outlast them all in my memory. Perhaps it is, as you put it, a bit sentimental now to say I was in awe of your tenacity, but I cannot deny that my admiration for you started that very day.

I find very little in the world left to admire and I reject what the world considers good and noble these days. Mercy and kindness, truth and beauty. These are the worthy things in life. These are the things I have come to appreciate about you. So you see, I may not know everything there is to know about you, but I know enough. For now.

And I know how much you wanted to be a nun. It was a sacrifice for you to be with us when your heart counted the days until you could return to the Abbey. We all make plans and we dream with all our hearts. The disappointment when those plans do not work out is painful, excruciating at times. But you must not confuse disappointment with failure. It was never my plan to become a widower, but I could never regret the love I had for my wife or the seven children we had together. The only failure was allowing my grief to keep me from appreciating all of it as long as I did.

You helped me once, so let me help you now; I see no failure in you. Keep searching for your life, Fraulein. Life is a journey. We cannot be sure of the path we start out on, nor can we appreciate the twists and turns until we get to our destination. Only when you give up do you truly fail.

For what it is worth, this is something we have in common. I thought my future included Baroness Schraeder, but she returned to Vienna a few days ago and that is that. Everything about it seemed right, but in the end I see how it is better this way. My hope is that one day you will be able to say the same about becoming a nun.

What kind of father would I be if I did not inquire about my children? I miss them. I miss the noise they make in the morning telling each other to be quiet. I miss hearing them sing. What a fool I was to deny myself the pleasures of fatherhood for so long! The difference is you and what you did for my family. You did not fail. Thank God for you, Fraulein.

Sincerely,

GvT

XxXxXxXxX

Dear Captain,

If I didn't know your handwriting, I would have thought the Reverend Mother wrote that letter. She told me that I had to look for my life too. She never would have called life a journey, though. She would be much more likely to compare it to climbing a mountain. Then again, she knows how much I love the mountains.

I am not angry. I just didn't want to admit that you were right and that I have changed. When I first came to you, I was so convinced about the direction of my life but that is no longer true. I'm not sure how you did it, but your letter made me feel better, so I must thank you. Your words were very kind. Too kind, really. I confess that I feel there is a bit of insincerity when people say kind things to me. It is a bad habit, I know, to be so distrustful of words but I am.

On the matter of your grief, Captain, it only spoke to me of your deep love for your wife, not at all of failure. I don't believe you ever doubted your marriage nor do I believe you withheld anything from it. That is why you can say you have no regret. As for me, I was so sure that my life was meant to be spent in service to God. Yet, there must have been a moment of doubt. Maybe I didn't do all I could.

In the end it is pointless to wonder. I can't help what I am. I am impulsive, curious and undisciplined. I daydream. I say what I think and feel. I don't seem to fit anywhere. But if I could only find what I am meant to be, I know I can see it through, I know it. Until then, I'm learning to be content where I am. Not only content but thankful. It is easy to be when my days are spent caring for such wonderful children.

Marta and Gretl have taken to their music lessons like ducks take to water. They have a plan to surprise you with a little concert if and when you come home. In fact, all the children ask when you'll return. Will you, even if it is only to visit? It would be nice to have something to tell them when they ask for you.

I am sorry about the Baroness, only it seems that you are not. I enjoy taking care of your children but a governess is not a mother. I hope you don't give up. It isn't my place to say such things, but as I've said, I don't always mind my place.

Sincerely,

Maria R.

XxXxXxXxX

Dear Fraulein Maria,

I must thank you for that nice list of your flaws because now I know that you are actually human. The way the children write about you in their letters to me I was beginning to wonder if you actually blew in on the East Wind.

Since we're confessing our imperfections, let me unburden you with any idea that I was a perfect husband. The earliest years of my marriage were spent at sea for months at a time, leaving my wife alone with two small children and depending on her family for moral support. She was quite understanding about it, knew the navy was my chosen career before we wed. It wasn't until she died that it occurred to me that every time I came home after an absence she was more and more disconsolate when it was time for me to go again. She was far braver than I and yet I was the one given all those medals.

After the war my career was taken from me and I consoled myself by saying that I could finally make up for all the months and years I spent away. But in fact you cannot make up time. No matter what I did, those years were gone and then so was she. A smarter man would have devoted every waking minute to those he loves after that, but I am not a smart man. I pushed my children away, allowed my pain to take precedence to their needs. The shame of it all only fuels my commitment to them now.

In my mind's eye I see you, Fraulein, as your frown draws the creases in your brow down between your flaring eyes. I can hear you scold me, telling me that it is an odd thing to say when I'm here instead of there, telling me that I can't possibly love them as I ought from so far away. I am far away, that is true, but I write letters to my children. These letters have allowed me to get closer to them.

When war took me away from Agathe, I resolved to write to her at least twice a week. At first I wrote about my life at sea, about the places I saw and the people I met and she wrote about Liesl's first steps and Friedrich's colic. Our letters served a sad purpose; she knew I wasn't dead and I knew my children were growing up without me. One day I received a letter written with a frantic hand, the paper warped by tears. The words were no different than all her previous letters but even I could read between the lines. My wife was suffering. She was lonely and afraid. She was begging me to come home.

There was nothing I could do except pick up a pen and write to my dearest wife and reassure her of my love. I made promises to return as soon as I could, reminded her of our dreams for after the war. The more I wrote, the more of my heart poured onto the pages. It worked and her response was less desperate. Every letter we wrote to each other after that were heartfelt conversations we probably never would have had face to face. And now I've discovered that my children are very open with me in their letters and me with them. I'm learning who they are and I'm so very proud.

Of course, I know it can't be like this forever and I truly do long to be with my family again. All I can say is that they were not happy without their beloved governess for a very long time. Since their happiness is everything to me, I did the only thing I could think of to make you come back. I would visit tomorrow if I was sure my presence wouldn't make you uncomfortable.

I cannot think of an adequate excuse to miss the holidays, though, so if the children ask you, tell them I'll be home to visit them then. You can make plans to take a holiday and our deal will remain intact.

GvT

XxXxXxXxX

Dear Captain,

Your letter has me a bit vexed so you will excuse me for dispensing with the niceties and get to my point. You never had to be a martyr and go into exile just so I'd come back. I came back because you wrote a letter telling me I was needed and I was missed. It was a lovely letter and I believed every word of it. Please don't ruin it by blaming me for sending you away. It is unfair. You never asked if that is what I wanted. If you had, I would have said no.

When your letters arrive, Franz sets them by each lunch setting. The children and I are so excited to read and share what you have to say that we don't wait until after the meal. Poor cook. She has started serving cold lunches since the food is that way by the time we eat anyway.

The sad thing about this, Captain, is that you do not get to see the excitement and joy when the children read them. Gretl is determined to learn how to read so she can read hers by herself. She has precious tokens of you to keep for her whole life. She will always feel loved and treasured. What a gift for all the children. I would never condemn your decision to go away. Your children know that you love them. They long for you but they do not fear what your absence means.

I was quite young when my mother died. My father left me in the care of a relative for reasons I still do not understand. For a long time I told myself he was on a quest to find another mother for me and would return so we could be a happy family again. He never wrote to me or came home to see me. A couple years quickly passed and he was dead, too. I have nothing to remember my parents.

I know you miss them. I know you understand that your homecoming is much anticipated. But I do not think you have forgotten your children at all. I watch them devour your letters, lost in your words as you speak to only them. The other day Louisa told me that she remembers climbing into your lap as a little girl to talk to you and if you didn't pay attention she would place both hands on your face and turn your head so you could only look at her. Then she told me that your letters are just like that, only she doesn't have to turn your face to make you listen. I secretly wept, Captain. Louisa has been the last of the children to share her memories with me and this was a tremendous gesture of trust.

Please come home for the holidays. There are people here who miss you very much.

Sincerely,

Maria R.

**A/N: The idea that Captain and Maria fall in love through letters has always interested me and this story lends itself to just that. In the book **_**The Story of the Trapp Family Singers**_**, there is a very short bit about Georg going away once they are engaged for the sake of propriety. Maria confessed to not being in love with him when she agreed to marry him, but it is strongly suggested that she became fond of him through the letters he wrote to her during this time. I love that. Super romantic, no? Well, I think so…**

**I do not own The Sound of Music or these characters. And I don't get paid to write anything. And generally I have fun. Not necessarily with this chapter as it gave me quite a hard time. But on the whole… yeah, fun.**

**Please pardon typos. I'm sick of looking at it so I may have missed a few. **

**Oh, yes… I always beg for reviews but I've neglected to thank everyone who has bothered. Reviews are like rainbows dipped in chocolate and sprinkled with crack for writers and everyone who has left a comment has been incredibly kind. So I thank you. And now I'll shut up. **


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